Polygyny, Sexuality

Transition

I’m in for a lot of temporary pain. I know this because…. Anyway, the women that we bring in won’t be as burdened as me. And burden determines sexual excitement. 

I won’t be able to be as sexually excited as they are, for some time. I don’t know how long. But, once I have the consistent feminine needs in place, help around the house And my husbands increased and needed absence….things will begin to equalize. I’ll be free, emotionally.

But, the transition I’m dreading. Cause I know I’ll suffer. I’ll have two more “kids” because of their ignorance. They don’t know what we know. They don’t understand kids and safety. All these things that I’ll be weighted down with, ON TOP of my broken sexuality. 

Victory lays in the vicinity of pain. I know…. At least I have husband to help me through.

I’m scared of me. My emotions. What I will feel. Jealous. Sexual rejection of not being able to have sexual excitement and they will, ARE THE WORST FEELINGS. 

To not feel good enough, or like damaged goods. I’m scared of the pain. I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared. I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want negative emotions. I don’t want my negative emotions CONTROLLING ME ANYMORE!!

This is THE ONLY WAY! 

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Progressive steps

I’ve lost apprx. 12 kilos. Looking forward to being petite again. A better car, 

We’re training baby to sleep through the night. For the last time. Husband says it’s progressing. 

I always look him. To tell me that we are progressing because it constantly feels like we are not. Though I see things changing i feel the same inside.

Things won’t feel different until the other two are here. Looking forward to the next few months. To finally lift the heaviness, sadness, and the anger. I don’t like me in monogamy. I like me with other women around. 

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Monogamy, Polygyny

She’s only 8…..

I recently bought a new phone. And the previous owner was 8. She hadn’t completely erased everything. What i found is another testament to the horror of monogamy and proof to our philosophy.

Her day book (journal) entry said this:

Jeg har en veldig fin dag. Jeg vil være glad altid, men jeg klarer det ikke.

Translation:

I had a very nice day. I want to be happy, always. But, I can’t do it.

This made me cry and upset. SHE’S 8! I had to vent to my husband. So, he could take my pain away. I cry writing about it because I personalized it, as all women do. Makes me think of my children, other people and the little girl. I’m so sorry.

Soon!

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It’s BEAUTIFUL. The sunsets here…yum.
Kids learning to swim. And other surprises ;-)

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Portugal

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