Ever since I left the church, heaven has been redefined, MANY times for me.
1. I thought it had something to do with god sitting on his throne, all day and I serve him. ( Uh, yeah. Silly. God doesn’t sit on his ass all day doing nothing. He too, uses it or loses it.) I vainly thought, that he would call upon me on this earth, cause I was his beautiful woman, who he wouldn’t dare let me suffer more. HA!
2. I thought, that I needed to get married, to get INTO heaven. To access god (my pleasure/ happiness), I needed a man to take me there. God would call upon me and i would run. HA! Yes, use my husband to get to god? Uh…
3. Then I realized, that i was looking at the real thing. It was my husband, that was designated to be my god. What I really wanted was, The God i could hear, see, feel, smell, and taste.
4. Then heaven to me, now, I believe once and for all…..resolved…..is explosively, orgasmic, sexual pleasure with The God.
So, the journey has been to figure out what was needed for my highest state of sexual pleasure that lasted FOREVER/LONGTERM. And within the realms of protection, security, safety and order.
It has been a tough, up and down roller coaster. Still is. Because we know the solutions, but not able to implement them 100% Why? Because its illegal. Because in all the temporary solution searching we have done: protection, security, safety, and order is violated. Because that is was temporary solutions DO!
The only one that can keep me stable is my husband. And most of all because of his new emotional stability. His REAL, not blaming, indifferent, masculinity; brought the stabilizing effect i needed for pleasure.
Now, it’s comes to the point of where do I get the emotion from, where do I turn to for the biggest missing piece. That I so desperately need. Without my husband allowing me to force the men and boys in my life into that which I need so desperately, women. I can’t be saved without the women either.
We now certainly know, that a man who is emotional, is a sign of weakness and lack of self discipline. A lazy man with no goals or ambitions. Tossed on the flow of the world around him. He hasn’t set himself apart. He hasn’t Chosen his own path of happiness, that women are not able to do themselves. We see this particularly in religious men. Not setting themselves apart from the worshipper (provided for), to being the worshipped (provider). Following in the footsteps of longterm truth and cause/effect. Blind to reality because “the bible says.” Yes, it says a lot, but, it is a journal. To learn from and work upon. A starting point, of testing theories!! NOT SET IN STONE 100% accurate.
All Because of ignorance, mind you. An emotional man cannot protect. No, he needs to be protected, like a woman. He needs to be provided for, like a woman. “It’s not fair they say.” GO OUT AND EARN IT! A woman can’t go through the shit men do and remain beautiful and sexual!
Earn it! Without! violence or force!! You can’t force a flower open and expect it to be beautiful. Or expect it to stay like that. You can’t expect a flower to be beaten by by weather and remain beautiful. It’s emotional needs need to be met FIRST! Protection and provision; through Light, oxygen, etc. You force the flower, beat down on the flower; you kill it or permanently damage it. Ugly, wounded and sour.
We were having sex the other day. And I started to break down and cry and got really frustrated. because, I, after being horny and actually had built myself up to orgasmic playing field, WHILE being on top. ( which is FANTASTIC for my husbands “unburdening me” progression curve) Was not really allowed, by my circumstances to get my orgasm. 1. I lost it it by, being goal oriented. 2. Husband practicing to maintain, while, I’m horny and on verge of orgasming. 3. Interrupted by kids.
I was being denied access to heaven!!! Denied pleasure!
Being goal oriented, doesn’t work in monogamy. It’s okay to be goal oriented towards the OTHER woman’s pleasure. But, not her own.
There’s not much pleasure I get these days. Work and no play, cause my husband is finally and gloriously, getting our asses out of “getting by” and into enjoying and creating life.
The Ignorant church we came from said, ” get MARRIED before you have money” have KIDS before you have money.” You’ll be happy they said. I don’t regret. But, it’s bullshit for future generations. But, the one advice, for the men that care about the things worth caring about; get the money thing down, before all that.
Get rid of unnecessary government, get rid of taxes, legalize polygyny.